꧁ Things have felt a little wobbly lately, uncertain. I’ve been doing Joe Dispenza’s Tuning into New Potentials meditation but I haven’t been able to feel the expansion; the big glorious vision of the desired reality. A big part of what attracts the potential is the felt experience. Feeling in your body what it would be like to already have that which you seek.

I’m in doubt right now. And that’s okay, that’s where I’m meant to be. I spoke with Chetna this week and she pointed out how I may not be as surrendered as I think I am to what life wants to bring me. I say I’m surrendered but then I expect an outcome, an answer, direction. Though this is understandable, it is not surrender.

Total surrender is a spaciousness that’s blind to our level of comfort. She used the analogy of the chalice and the sword. The chalice representing surrendered, yin, energy; and the sword representing pursuit, seeking, doing…yang energy. She painted a picture of me in this moment as a chalice with a sword piercing through it.

Surrender feels like a strange mix of Saturn and Venus to me. The road to her is Saturnian in that it demands total letting go, total trust. She is indiscriminate. Everyone is treated equally here. Whether this requires the dismantling of a marriage or a harmless step in a new direction, it doesn’t matter to her. Surrender demands absoluteness, purity. There’s no space for ambiguity in her realm. But once we arrive, her land is quintessentially Venutian. Once we’ve made the arduous journey, we can finally relax into her plush feathered pillows, velvet couches, silk sheets, and honey rivers. This is a land of pleasure and trust and ease. You will never want for anything here. ꧂